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Last weekend I drove to Giant’s Ridge in Biwabik, Minnesota. It was a 7-hour drive one way; which is really the LAST thing I wanted to do. However, my mom organized it because my younger brother was homesick and he was in college an hour away from the lodge. I highly value family and thought about whether or not I should go for the week. Last minute I decided I would make the drive to spend valuable time with my family.

The reason we went to Giant’s Ridge is to ski. Many of you probably do not know my skiing history so I will share. The last time I went skiing was in 7th grade. I remember it was for a school event. I still remember going down the bunny hill several times and building up my confidence to hit the bigger slopes (bigger meaning the green slopes). I went down and was feeling comfortable. However, once I got towards the end I somehow forgot how to stop and slow down. I was going full speed right towards the group of teachers.

I can’t help but try to image the scene from an outsider’s perspective. Here comes a 7th grader who is becoming overly confident in their skiing abilities, not slowing down or stopping, headed towards a group of teachers. I had my arms flailing around me while yelling at the group of teachers, “I CAN’T STOP, I CAN’T STOP!”

Next thing I know I’m on the ground with my math teacher who I took out in the process. At least she was able to stop me. After that I haven’t been skiing since, until last weekend.

I would be lying if I did not say I was nervous. I also though love a challenge and was excited to see what I could do. In the back of my mind I was thinking of all the terrible “what if” scenarios.

What if I broke my leg?
With my leg broken, how much time would I need off of work?
I change insurance in the beginning of the month, what would happen to my medical bills?
What if this is my first concussion?
What if I would need surgery?

I reminded myself of my profession and how I help others push past their fears and doubts and focus on what they need to do to succeed and meet their goals. I need to apply that same practice to myself. I pushed the negative and scary thoughts out of my focus and instead focused on the exciting “what if” scenarios.

What if I am really good at skiing?
What if I could start going off jumps?
What if I become the next Lindsey Vonn? (ok this one was just for fun)
What if I ENJOY skiing?

These “what if” scenarios made me much more excited to ski and I began to look forward to it. I also tried to go into it without expectations and indulge in self-love and self-compassion. I understood that I was new to this and that it might take me a while to learn. I prepared myself to be patient and kind to myself instead of getting frustrated and upset if it took me a while to learn.

I started off the bunny hill and I was able to go down a few times without falling. My sister struggled more than I did, which boosted my confidence in myself because she said she was ready for the actual slopes. I reminded myself that if she is ready than I am ready too.

We started off going down the easier slopes and I was freaking out inside! I kept taking deep calming breaths on the ski lift, just like I remind athletes to do when they start to freak out and lose focus. I had mantras prepared to help me through these moments.

I’ve got this.
I can do this.
I just need to get to the bottom.
I’m a quick learner.
I will complete this task.

Once we got off the ski lift and started going my self-talk became technical rather than motivational. I asked my sister how I was suppose to ski and what to do with my feet. While we started going I would pick up some speed and then tell myself, “Cut to the left/right, move my body to the side, FRONT FOOT FRONT FOOT FRONT FOOT!”

There were moments that I started going faster than I wanted and I had to calm myself down and focus on the technical skills instead of freaking out about how fast I was going because that would have resulted in a fall. I continued to focus on my breathing and at times was yelling at myself in my head “FRONT FOOT FRONT FOOT FRONT FOOT,” to focus on turning to the side to slow myself down or stop. Once I got to a slower place or stopped I was able to catch my breath and remind myself that I am ok and I’ve got this.

The first few times down the slopes were challenging and I admit that I did want to quit. I wanted to stop because I was struggling and was falling a lot down the hill. I noticed that I also continued to compare my abilities with those around me. There were 5-year olds skiing past me and I was getting down on myself. I used my mental training skills though and told myself I am not a quitter and if I quit I will lose this opportunity to learn a new skill. I reminded myself that I am a beginner and to focus on myself instead of those around me. I used GRIT to keep myself going and each time I went down the slopes I got a little bit better, I fell less, gained more confidence, and was actually starting to have FUN.

If I did quit after the first or second time down the slopes I would have missed out on those feelings of success. I would have been stuck in the room by myself and wouldn’t even be making memories and bonding with my family; which is the sole reason I came in the first place!

Looking back now I am grateful for my education in Sport Psychology because I was able to apply it in this situation and experience learning a new skill with my family. The trip ended up being full of great laughs, wonderful memories, delicious food, and led to me leaving with a full warm heart.

The outcome could have been so different. I could have allowed myself to focus on the negatives throughout my experience, become more frustrated every time I fell, lost my confidence, and threw in the towel and quit. Quitters never reach success and their full abilities. Only those who learn from their failures and falls and keep their head up to keep going are the ones who will reach their full potential.

Think about yourself: which one are you? Would you have threw in the towel and went back into the room or would you have continued going down the slopes and face the fear and disappointed you were feeling?

It’s not easy. I was getting frustrated and I was getting upset. There were times I almost did quit, but those are the times when you need to keep fighting. That is when your mind needs to overpower your body and make it continue moving forward. I may not have gone down a black diamond or went over jumps, but I was courageous in my own way.

I faced my own fears of attempting skiing. I continued to ski even after I was taken out from behind from another skier. I didn’t quit and I continued to learn, fight, and move down the hill. Success doesn’t mean you have to be the best. Success is learning something new, fighting through the failures, and facing your fears.

I hope you enjoyed reading my blog, let me know what you think in the comments below!

Remember: Success is on the other side of fear.

My nephew started wrestling this year for his first time; he is 5 years old. I figured that his wrestling matches would be a bunch of little kids running around on the mat attempting to wrestle each other. I was shocked to discover that my nephew is actually pretty far behind many of the other kids around his age in experience. Several of the other wrestlers have been wrestling for a few years and have developed their skills at a faster rate than the other kids.

He was becoming frustrated and putting a lot of pressure on himself at such a young age. He continued to lose match after match and was becoming distraught. My sister (his mom) called me and told me how she was nervous for his next match because he had lost his previous matches and was so upset afterwards that he started to cry. He would tell her that he is the worst wrestler and that he will never win.

Why is it that the outcome has become so important at such a young age? Why is that so many young athletes are specializing and taking a sport seriously so early on?

Youth sports have been getting more competitive over the years. Children are starting to specialize at even younger ages; even though the research has demonstrated how that can lead to burnout and not developing transferrable skills essential to the youth athlete.

Let go back to what research has shown to be the top reasons youth athletes engage in sport:

1) Have Fun
2) Learn New Skills
3) Make Friends

Studies have shown repeatedly that the number one reason kids play sports is because of ENJOYMENT. If you are a parent or a coach ask yourself this:

Is your child/athlete having fun?
Are they enjoying the sport?
Are they developing new skills?
And lastly, are they making friends?

Your child/athlete will be less likely to drop out of sport if all three core fundamental aspects are met.

In my nephew’s case, he LOVES the sport. My sister has asked if he wants to quit after he cries about losing a match. She hates seeing how frustrated he is after wrestling. He tells her that he doesn’t want to quit. He wants to keep going because he ENJOYS the sport and he is developing new skills.

This video is from one of his first matches; observe how he moves along the mat and competes.

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Now this video is from his match after he lost several matches in a row. He walked onto the mat with confidence and with a passion for the sport. He spent time and energy improving his skills and look at the difference it has already made.

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He had a total of 5 matches that day. He walked away winning 4 and losing the last one. He held his head up high and was awarded a trophy for second place. He couldn’t stop telling me about how he approached each match and how thrilled he was with performance. This is what youth sport is about. Challenging youth to work hard, learn new skills, and most importantly to ENJOY what they are doing.

This post is not saying whether youth should specialize or not. It’s also not suggesting when you should have your child start taking sport seriously. What it IS about is a reminder to parents, coaches, and consultants to remember why children play sports and to enhance their experience to the best of our abilities. We want them to get all of the positive attributes that sport can provide for them such as grit, teamwork, confidence, resiliency, perseverance, goal setting, leadership skills, developing healthy habits, coordination, strength, and learning how to win AND how to lose. Communicate with your kids and try your best to provide the opportunities that THEY want.

Imagine this: You just finished a day of work. You had a long day and head home, which is a 40-minute drive. You hit traffic and it is raining. This is what you see ahead of you:

What thoughts enter your mind?

For most of us our initial reaction is to let this bother us. We become upset, irritated, and annoyed. This stresses us out even more than we already are from our long day at work. The 40-minute drive home suddenly feels like it has doubled. We become agitated, tense, and do not arrive home in a good mood. I know when I am in this state I tend to easily forget errands that I have to run on the way home and also become upset with all of the other cars around me. Suddenly in my mind I am a professional driver and everyone else has no clue how to drive. Both of these situations just upset me even more.

What if we were able to change our mindset? What if we changed the way we view the above image and the situation? This was actually a view that I had not too long ago after a long day of work. I had a 40-minute drive ahead of me and hit traffic right away in the rain. I could have chose option 1, which I mentioned above. However, I did not want to have a stressful drive home and arrive home in a bad mood. I had a CHOICE in the matter. Instead of reacting to the situation around me I decided to respond.

I didn’t view my drive home as a long, dreadful, rainy, and stressful situation. Instead I saw an opportunity to have a dance party in my car! I was able to pop in my throwback CD’s and jam out. I sang my heart out and danced the whole drive home.

*I don’t recommend dancing too crazy if you’re driving though, SAFETY FIRST!

Guess how my drive went from then on? It FLEW BY! It seemed actually shorter because I was able to enjoy myself. There were even more songs that I was hoping to sing and dance to. I was not annoyed with the cars around me and arrived home in a positive mood. I decided during that drive to control the situation the best way that I could; which was by changing my mindset and having power over my attitude.

Imagine if we took the opportunity to decide how we wanted to feel and RESPONDED instead of REACTING. No matter what the situation is:

– A big presentation
– An interview
– A game/performance
– When something is not going the way we planned
– After making a mistake
– A kid having a temper tantrum
– A stressful day at work
– A traffic filled car ride home in the rain

During stressful, upsetting, and anxiety-provoking situations we always have a CHOICE. We can let the situation dictate our emotions OR we can choose what emotions we want to feel to overcome the situation. Maybe listening to music and dancing is not your thing. Find out what is though. What lifts you up? What brightens your mood or calms you down? Find what works and use it to your advantage.

Remember: We can’t control the situation but we can control how we RESPOND to it.

Master your mindset to master the moment everyone!