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One of the most important mental skills we can develop, whether in sport, performance, or life, is the ability to say no without guilt, so we can say yes with intention.

We spend so much time training ourselves to push, grind, and do more. But mental toughness isn’t always about adding, it’s often about choosing. Choosing where our time, energy, and attention go. And just as importantly, choosing where they don’t.

Right before the holidays, I was laid off from my day job, the one I had for the past four years. It was tough. I loved my job, my team, and the people I worked with. What hurt the most was losing the benefits and having to navigate independent insurance, especially with my husband being a business owner.

In the weeks that followed, so many people reached out. They offered recommendations, sent job postings, connected me with opportunities, and even offered me jobs. I was incredibly grateful for the support.

But the truth is: I’m not currently looking.

In mental skills training, we talk a lot about response control, the ability to pause instead of reacting automatically. My initial reaction was to fill the space quickly. Find another job. Lead more workshops. Market my sport psychology services harder. Teach more Zumba and workout classes. Stay busy. Stay productive.

But when I slowed down, I noticed something I didn’t realize I was missing, time.

Time with my kids.
Time at home.
Time with my husband.

I didn’t realize how much I was missing.

The more I reflected, the more I realized this season was offering me a choice. I could treat this setback like a problem to fix immediately, or I could treat it like an opportunity to realign with my values.

So I choose to slow down.

I choose daytime swim lessons with my youngest. I choose unrushed workouts. Yoga. Running. Long walks. Reading. Blogging again. Reigniting passions that had been pushed aside in the name of “being busy.”

I know how fortunate I am to be in a position where I don’t have to jump headfirst into another job right now. And I also know this: my kids are only young for a short time. I have a 5-year-old, a 3-year-old, and my baby is already 10 months old – almost one already! In just a few years, she’ll be in school, and those open days will return.

But this time won’t.

These years go fast. I already feel it happening.

In mental skills work, we emphasize values-based decisions, letting what matters most guide our choices, even when the outside world is pulling us in a different direction. Right now, saying “no” to filling my calendar is my strongest mental skill.

Because every “no” is also a “yes.”
Yes to my kids.
Yes to my family.
Yes to my sanity.

This season feels like a blessing in disguise, not because it’s easy, but because it’s intentional. And protecting your time, energy, and values? That might be one of the most powerful performances of all.

And that’s a “yes” worth protecting.

As coaches, athletes, and mental performance professionals, we’re no strangers to the phrase “no pain, no gain.” While it may sound cliché, there’s truth in it – not because pain itself is valuable, but because how we respond to pain shapes what we become.

What if, instead of fearing pain, we learned to work with it?

Surprisingly, the lessons athletes learn through endurance sports have powerful parallels in one of life’s most profound experiences: childbirth. Both involve intense physical effort, deep mental focus, and a journey through discomfort toward something transformative.

In his chapter “Pain” from the book Endure, Alex Hutchinson explores how pain is more than just a physical sensation – it’s a signal, a story, and sometimes, an opportunity. That same understanding can help both athletes and birthing mothers navigate their experiences with more confidence and resilience.

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🔍 Understanding Pain: What it’s Really Telling Us

 

1. Pain as a Progress Signal

Pain isn’t just suffering – it’s information.

• For endurance athletes, it marks where the edge of their capacity lies.

• For birthing mothers, it signals that the body is actively working to bring new life into the world.

In both, pain shows us we’re moving forward, not failing.

 

2. Perception Shapes Experience

Pain is not purely physical – it’s also psychological.

• Athletes who view pain as “feedback” rather than “threat” can perform longer and recover faster.

• Mothers trained in mental preparation can reinterpret contractions as productive, even powerful, instead of simply painful.

When we change how we understand pain, we change how we experience it.

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🧠 Techniques to Work With Pain, Not Against It

 

1. Grounding Through Breath and Body Awareness

Pain tends to pull us out of the present — grounding helps bring us back.

• Athletes use breath control and body scanning to stay focused in high-stress moments.

• In labor, conscious breathing and presence help mothers manage contractions and reduce fear.

👉 Tip: Practice grounding techniques before race day or due date. Like any skill, it gets stronger with repetition.

 

2. Mindfulness: Observing Without Reacting

Mindfulness builds space between sensation and reaction.

• Athletes who notice pain without judgment can push through discomfort more effectively.

• Mothers using mindfulness can remain calmer, reducing tension and improving their birth experience.

👉 Mantra: “This is temporary. I can do this.”

 

3. Visualization: Seeing Success Ahead of Time

The brain doesn’t always distinguish between imagined and real experiences.

• Athletes visualize finishing strong, powering through the last mile, or crossing the finish line.

• Expecting mothers can visualize smooth labor, strength during surges, and the joy of holding their baby.

Mental rehearsal prepares the body to respond with confidence instead of fear.

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🎯 Final Thoughts: Pain as a Catalyst for Growth

Pain is not the enemy – avoidance is.
Whether on a trail, in a race, or during childbirth, embracing pain as part of the process allows us to reclaim our power.

For athletes, that may mean pushing through the final interval.
For birthing mothers, it means trusting the body and mind to work together toward something incredible.

When we train ourselves to stay with pain, to breathe through it, observe it, and move forward anyway. We discover just how strong we really are.

Let’s encourage athletes and mothers alike to meet pain not with resistance, but with respect. Because within that discomfort lies the potential for breakthrough, resilience, and transformation.

In sport and performance psychology, what we believe about people – and how they grow, adapt, and thrive — shapes how we work.

Behind every intervention, whether it’s mental skills training, goal setting, or performance coaching, is a theoretical orientation guiding our choices. So, I posed a question to the sport psychology community on my social media platforms:

💬 What sport psychology theory has made the biggest impact on your work — and why?

Through poll responses across Instagram and LinkedIn, practitioners, coaches, and consultants shared their go-to frameworks — and the results highlight both diversity and shared wisdom in our field.

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🗳️ Poll Results: Community Insights

From a rather small sample size, 9 combined votes across three social media platforms, here’s what stood out:

Top 3 Theories That Made the Biggest Impact

🔹 Humanistic Approach — 29–50%
🔹 Cognitive Behavioral Theory (CBT) — 29%
🔹 Mindfulness & Acceptance-Based Approaches (e.g., ACT) — 14–50%

Other theories noted:

• Motivational Theories (e.g., Self-Determination Theory) — 14%

• Social Learning Theory, Psychodynamic Theory, and Other — 0–14%

 

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🔍 Breakdown of the Most Impactful Theories

💡 1. Humanistic Approach

Emphasizes empathy, authenticity, and an athlete-centered philosophy. Practitioners using this model create safe, non-judgmental environments that empower athletes to explore their identity, values, and personal meaning.

Why it resonates:
When athletes feel heard and accepted, they’re more willing to open up, grow, and align their performance goals with who they truly are.

🗣️ “Helping athletes connect to their ‘why’ has been a game-changer for sustained motivation and confidence.”

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🧠 2. Cognitive Behavioral Theory (CBT)

Focuses on identifying and reframing unhelpful thoughts that impact behavior and emotion. It’s practical, skills-based, and backed by decades of research.

Why it’s popular:
CBT equips athletes with concrete tools to manage pressure, overcome performance anxiety, and replace self-doubt with effective self-talk.

🗣️ “CBT gives athletes actionable tools — they leave sessions knowing what to do, not just how to feel.”

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🧘 3. Mindfulness & Acceptance-Based Approaches

This includes Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), and similar models. These help performers accept thoughts and emotions without judgment and stay committed to their values under pressure.

Why it works:
In high-stakes environments, trying to eliminate anxiety is often unrealistic. These approaches teach athletes to perform alongside discomfort.

🗣️ “It’s not about fixing feelings — it’s about being present and doing what matters even when it’s hard.”

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📈 Bonus: Motivational Theories (e.g., SDT)

Self-Determination Theory and similar models explore intrinsic motivation, autonomy, and relatedness. These are especially valuable for long-term athlete development, leadership coaching, and burnout prevention.

🗣️ “Understanding what fuels effort makes it easier to coach for sustainability, not just performance.”

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🧭 So, What Does This Mean for You?

Your theoretical orientation isn’t just academic, it’s the compass guiding every session, every conversation, and every decision.

What works for you will depend on:

• Who you’re working with (elite athlete vs. youth vs. team)

• What stage they’re in (developmental, recovery, peak performance)

• What challenges they’re facing (mental blocks, motivation dips, identity exploration)

Many practitioners use an integrative approach — blending tools and principles from multiple theories to meet athletes where they are.

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📣 Call to Action: What’s YOUR Go-To Theory?

👉 What theory guides your work?
👉 Why does it resonate with your clients or athletes?
👉 Have you seen results that surprised you?

Drop a comment, send a message, or join the next poll. Your insights could inspire others and broaden how we all think about performance psychology.

Let’s keep learning together.

#SportPsychology #PerformancePsychology #MentalPerformance #MindfulnessInSport #CBT #ACT #SDT #CoachingTools #HumanisticPsychology #PsychologyInSport #MentalGame