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As Henry Ford has famously said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” This quote is hands down one of my favorites because it simply, yet so accurately captures the power that the mind and our thoughts have over our actions and behaviors.

In the coaches’ book club I recently finished Grit. It may be my third time reading it, but I find something new each and every time I go through it. During this last read what stood out to me the most was her chapter on Hope.

Research experiments in the 1960s discovered that suffering without control reliably produces symptoms of clinical depression, including changes in appetite and physical activity, sleep problems, and poor concentration.

During the day I work at a day-treatment program facilitating therapuetic activities with middle schoolers. Many of the kids I work with have at least one or several of the above-mentioned struggles. This is probably why this chapter was so fascinating to me.

In today’s society, we understand that our thoughts have a major impact on our behaviors. That is essentially what drives our behavior at times. However, in the 1960s this idea sounded absurd to most. What was thought to drive behavior was punishments and rewards. Since people can essentially learn to be helpless, we can also learn to be optimistic. Both of these terms are referred to as learned helplessness and learned optimism. A lot of this research started with two first-year psychology doctoral students named Marty Seligman and Steve Maier.

Let’s go through a study Marty Seligman conducted to understand our pessimistic or optimistic mindsets.

Imagine: You can’t get all the work done that others expect of you. Now imagine one major cause for this event. What leaps to mind?

Now think about what your immediate response would be to this scenario. When I did this exercise my immediate thought was, “I must have overscheduled myself again.”

According to Seligman’s research, a pessimist might say, “I screw everything up.” Or, “I’m a loser.” A pessimist answer is something permanent, where you can’t do much to change the cause.

On the flip side, an optimist may have answered, “I mismanaged my time.” Or, “I didn’t work efficiently because of distractions.”  These answers are different because they are all temporary, specific, and able to be fixed.

From this study, Seligman was able to confirm that pessimists are more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety compared to optimists. How did you answer? If it was a pessimist answer, do not worry. It does not mean that you are automatically going to become diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It does, however, mean that you are at a higher risk if you do not put in the effort to change your mindset.

How does this also apply to sport? Well, pessimists are also more likely to quit and give in sooner than optimists. If a performance doesn’t go as expected, optimists are more likely to try yet again. It also can be really damaging to athletes who endure an injury if they have a pessimist mindset over an optimstic one. As coaches or an athlete yourself we want to keep pushing and keep trying despite setbacks. If you are naturally a pessimist or you have a team full of pessimists, how are you able to overcome this?

The answer is feeling like you have a sense of control. Cognitive behavioral therapy has demonstrated that we can, in fact, learn to recognize and be aware of our negative self-talk and change our maladaptive behaviors. We can learn to interpret what is happening to us in a different way as an optimist would.

As the book GRIT discussed in chapter 9 Hope, what doesn’t kill us can make us stronger, but it also can make us weaker. Steve Maier conducted a study similar to one he conducted with Marty Seligman but with a few changes, he used adolescent rats to determine learned helplessness vs. learned optimism and compared these rats later on when they reached adulthood.

What he found was that when we experience adversity, or some kind of trauma, that we overcome on our own during youth, you develop a different way of dealing with adversity later on. These findings suggest that telling someone to overcome adversity is not enough. They have to actually experience mastery at the same time as adversity. Many kids start to view themselves as helpless because they are not learning, “I can do this. I can succeed in that,” through mastery experiences and instead have more helplessness experiences.

As coaches, it is your duty to provide mastery experiences for your athletes and teams. This can be done by providing opportunities to make several successful plays after a challenging loss or mistake. As an athlete, you need to understand that there’s a contingency between your actions and what happens to you. We all must remind ourselves, and those around us that if we do something, then something will happen.

“It isn’t suffering that leads to hopelessness. It’s suffering you think you can’t control.” – GRIT

If we can feel that we have some sense of control over what happens to us through our actions, then we are more likely to experience mastery and foster a optimistic mindset.

Angela Duckworth has discovered four paragons of grit that have been developed from many interviews with men and women who epitomize the qualities of passion and perseverance. The four psychological assets she mentions are not “either you have it or you don’t” commodities. They can all be learned, discovered, developed, and deepened. If you would like to learn how to develop these four essential components for grit, continue reading.

1. Interest: In order to become passionate about something, we first must develop an interest in it. This interest must come within. We need to be intrinsically motivated and really enjoy it. You must be able to work through the few things you don’t enjoy to fully embrace and love what you do. For example: if soccer is your interest, you may completely enjoy playing in the game, but may not be a fan of the conditioning workouts. However, your love to play trumps your dislike for the workout so you push yourself through the workouts because you understand that it will help boost your performance in the game that you enjoy so much.
2. Practice: Once you’ve developed an interest you must have the capacity to practice. Maybe you have the philosophy of, “getting 1% better each day,” that you live by. Once the interest and passion have been formed, you must be dedicated to engaging in deliberate, focused, full-hearted, and challenge-exceeding-skill practice. This is the only way you will increase your game and skill and move toward mastery. In this phase, you also should be aware of your weaknesses and be committed to enhancing those as well. No matter how excellent you become, you understand that each and every day you must practice and that there’s always room for improvement. For example, once a soccer player develops an interest in the game they commit to practicing each and every single day. They understand their strengths and weaknesses and work hard to improve their weak spots. If they are a strong right foot kicker but struggle with the left, they will continuously practice shooting with their left foot at different angles on the field.
3. Purpose: Passion is strengthened once you fully believe that your work matters. The book, Grit states, “For most people, interest without purpose is nearly impossible to sustain for a lifetime.” Find your purpose, sustain your passion. In order to do this, you must perceive your work as both personally interesting and meaningful to the well-being of others. For example, the same soccer player finds their purpose once they realize how they can add value to their team. They no longer play for themselves on the field, but they play for their coaches, teammates, and fans. They understand that the whole is greater than the sum of their parts and their success on the team becomes even more important.
4. Hope: The book defines hope as, “A rising-to-the-occasion kind of perseverance.” However, even though hope is placed last, it is not the final stage of growing grit. Hope actually defines every stage. From the very beginning, we must believe that we can overcome obstacles, bounce back from setbacks, and face challenges. We must continuously believe that we can keep going, even when we start to have doubts. There will be setbacks, failures, and obstacles along the way. Will you be able to keep going?

“At various points, in big ways and small, we get knocked down. If we stay down, grit loses. If we get up, grit prevails.” – GRIT, p. 92. 

Whether you’ve already established grit on your own or feel as though you have a long ways to go, remember you can continue to grow grit. It takes time, patience, and continuous effort. Believe in yourself and keep having hope. Find your interest, engage in deliberate practice, and develop your purpose within it.

Intentions are the starting point of every dream. A new year brings new hope, excitement, and intention setting to make this year different and better than the previous year. So often we start the year off with the right intentions that tend to fall to the wayside as the year rolls on.

How can we set stronger and more powerful intentions? We first must understand that everything that happens in the universe begins with intention. Every action you do starts first with an intention. It has been said that our destiny is ultimately shaped by our deepest intentions and desires, so it is important to recognize what those are.

“You are what your deepest desire is. As your desire is, so is your intention. As your intention is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny.”

One of the reasons that we start the year with great intentions, hope, and goals and then they fall through is that we are not giving enough focus and attention to our deepest desires. That is where our intentions come from and that is what shapes our destiny. We will not be able to change our future until we can own our past and recognize what our deepest desires are.

According to Dr. Deepak Copra, an intention is a directed impulse of consciousness that contains the seed form of that which you aim to create. Like real seeds, intentions can’t grow if you hold on to them. They will only grow once you release your intention into the fertile depths of your consciousness. This is where they grow and flourish. Some believe that there are steps you can follow to harness the power of intention to create anything you desire. To learn more about this read Dr. Deepak Copra’s book The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success or Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book The Power of Intention.

 

“You don’t feel happy when things are right in the world, things are right in your world because you’re happy.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

 

 

I started my 2019 off with a 90-minute yoga and meditation practice dedicated to Sankalpa, or intention setting. This practice creates a visionary and expansive relationship to life. It was a powerful experience to take the time to meditate on the past and bring new hopes into the future. During the practice, we wrote down everything we wanted to leave behind in 2018, while also writing what our intentions are for 2019. At the end of the practice, we burned our paper slips in a fire, as a powerful message to let go of the old and bring in the joy and vitality for the New Year.

 

 

Intentions are set the best after you have found a state of rested awareness. This can be done through meditation. Once the chatter in your mind has quieted down, you can look inwardly with a sense of clarity. After your intention has been set, it is important to let it go. We are not able to control the future and dwelling on our intention constantly is not effective nor healthy. We must unleash our intention out into the world to let it grow. After this we let the universe take over. You have released your intentions into the fertile of pure potentiality, and they will bloom when the season is right. Trust that the universe will handle the details.

We set our intention to change our destiny because like Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.”

Why is it that as we get older we tend to avoid things we feel we aren’t good at?

Kids are great examples of resiliency, putting in the work, trusting the process, and having a growth mindset. Somewhere down the road though we lose this mindset. We develop a fixed mindset from listening to society who tells us what we are good at and what we are not good at. We believe this and avoid what we aren’t good at, while sticking to what we are good at since that’s where we are safe. Although it may be safe, it is not how we grow. Sticking to our strenghts only makes us stagnant.

Choose to not listen. Foster that inner child mindset that’s still there. Take a lesson from my cousin who is working hard at learning to ice skate. He works hard, falls down often, but gets back up every time with a smile on his face and an eagerness to try yet again. He celebrates the small wins and trust the process that there will be times he can stand and skate unassisted, but knowing that a fall is just a step away.

He is not “good” or “bad” at ice skating, but he is resilient and strong-willed and is doing what we all do every day, which is learning and improving.

Own your fate by avoiding putting labels on what we are or are not good at. Go for whatever you want to achieve, with the mindset that you may struggle and fall down, but that you have the willpower and strength to show resiliency by getting back up, learn from the failure, and attempt it yet again.

#FaceYourFears #FailureIsFeedback #LearnFromKids #Resilience

With the holidays rapidly arriving we may be stressed, overwhelmed, and excited all at the same time. I know I am. What’s most important during this time is to attempt to make time to relax, unwind, and soak in the holiday spirit the best we can.

I understand that it’s very challenging to do between work, Christmas shopping, baking, wrapping presents, and either getting ready to travel or getting your home ready for relatives. But trust me, if you are able to make time for yourself you will have a more enjoyable holiday season.

Here are a few things you can do: 

1) Make memories instead of buying gifts. Examples: Go ice-skating, skiing, sledding, make a snowman.

2) Chop down your own tree! You’ll make great memories doing it AND you’ll get a workout in 😉

3) Decorate ornaments or DIY holiday decorations instead of decorating holiday cookies that you know you’ll end up eating.

4) Go for a walk outside and take in all of the lights and festive decorations.

5) Have a dance party to top Christmas music. I did this the other day and it really brought out the holiday spirit PLUS it was a great work out 😉

6) Take some time for yourself to write what you’re grateful for, get in a great workout, or simply meditate. I recommend Headspace, Calm, or Stop, Think, Breathe for apps regarding mindfulness meditations!

For my own sanity, I will be taking a leave of absence from blogging as I spend quality time with family over the holidays and enjoy my vacation. Looking forward to connecting with you again in 2019!

If you decide to try one of the things I listed, let me know how it turned out! Wish you all Happy Holidays 🙂