WOW – can you believe it’s already December, the last month in the year? I don’t know about you, but the last few months have flown by for me.
This past week for Thanksgiving, as I decorated my home with Turkey day and Christmas feels, I started to feel overwhelmed with gratitude. The thing is although I often feel grateful, I have a more difficult time expressing it.
Anyone with me?
Expressing gratitude has a variety of benefits, but it can make many people often feel uncomfortable expressing it. The more we engage in doing it though the more comfortable it will be.
This is the same as any other activity or skill that we are working towards or learning.
Rather than waiting to express gratitude when you feel like you “ought” or “should,” take this week to shower those around you with random acts of kindness and words of affirmations.
One simple activity or challenge that I like to do is to take out your phone and select three people who are you grateful for. Text them your gratitude. It can be short and sweet or long and thoughtful. This random kind text is a great way to express how you appreciate those in your life.
Who would you text?
I recently completed this activity today and I chose:
My mother-in-law
My boss/Coworker
A Friend
I tried to challenge myself out of my comfort zone and chose people who are not the super “easy” choices such as my mom, dad, and husband. Although they all deserve daily gratitude as well.
Instead of just thinking about how grateful we are for people and things around us, we need to express it. People are not mind readers. You can easily make someone’s day and make uplift yourself after having an attitude of gratitude.
It’s no secret that female-athletes are different in male-athletes. I’m not saying they are less talented or capable – absolutely not! But the way they should be coached should be different because we are not wired the same. I wanted to share tips on coaching female-athletes so that together we can continue to encourage them to be strong, resilient, and empowered through sport.
Watch what you say:
Be careful what you say regarding their bodies, making mistakes, and providing criticism. Praise in public, criticize in private to avoid embarrassing and humiliating your athletes. Also, do not degrade them with terms such as, “You run like a girl.” Are they a girl? Yes. Are they running? Yes, and they probably are running faster than you! Their gender does not matter in regards to how they perform.
2) Get to know them outside of their sport:
Your athletes are more than athletes. They might also be a sister, a musician, an artist, or a damn good euchre player. Learn about who they are outside of the sport. Females seek out connection and it will do wonders to your coach-athlete relationship if you take the time to connect with them.
3) Practice how you want them to play:
Sometimes female-athletes need to be challenged and expected to practice as they would compete. Especially with younger females, do not think that you need to go “easy” on them. Obviously, don’t run them into the ground but you can make practices fun AND competitive.
4) Allow them to be social:
Girls like to talk and be social. I guarantee you they are going to talk, so instead of fighting against it, let it happen. Allow a chunk of time before practice to chat, or tell them that their warm-up run is their social time. Or allow them to socialize between drills and during water breaks. They’re going to socialize, so you might as well build it into the practice. Just make sure they understand that there is a time and place for it.
5) Females wear their emotions on their sleeve:
Females can be emotional and sensitive creatures and there’s nothing wrong with that! Understand this and accept it. Instead of becoming upset and yelling at them to “suck it up,” take an empathic approach. Being able to understand and express your emotions is a strength, not a weakness. Also, teach them how to best handle emotions through emotional regulation techniques such as deep breathing, self-talk, and mistake routine rituals. You are their coach and you are teaching them more about the sport, you are teaching them about life.
The courage, strength, and character gained through sports participation are the very tools girls need to become the confident leaders of tomorrow. Keep fighting to make sure all women and girls have the opportunity to play!
Two years ago I moved to a small Wisconsin town, which is my husband’s hometown. I did not know many people, other than my husband’s friends and family.
Before moving here I attended a Female Athlete Empowerment Symposium in another small town near Mankato, MN. While I was in graduate school I had the opportunity to be a break out speaker at this event. It was for all High School Female Athletes in the area and had an amazing line-up of keynote speakers, break out sessions, and female college athlete panelists. Ever since I had the opportunity to be a part of this event I knew that someday I would love to host one myself.
With this goal in the back of my mind, I started to make this new town my new hometown. I got involved in a gym, yoga studio, and started to market my sport psychology services to the local high school and sports organizations. I knew that in order to get this event going I would need to get to know the town more so I put the idea on the back burner.
A year in I was welcomed with open arms from the local high school and fitness studios in the area. Once I was offered the assistant track and field high school coaching position, I knew that this would also be my way in to get to know more coaches and the athletic director to pitch my idea for this event.
Once I brought it up to the athletic director he was on board instantly. He offered any help he could and we solidified a date. From there on was a lot of work on my part. I had to figure out who to reach out to for sponsorships, who to invite to be speakers, and how I was going to market this event to the community for registrations.
After months of creating forms, reaching out to potential sponsors and speakers, the event started to become real. The response from the community was absolutely amazing. I had so many people interested in joining this event as a speaker that I actually had to turn some away. This was very challenging to do, but also exciting that I was getting so much interest in the event.
Next was figuring out how to fund this event as I did not have the expenses myself and I was passionate about making this event free for all attendees. A few sponsors trickled in right away and then after that, it went quiet. I learned that it appeared to be much more effective to call for donations rather than mailing in sponsorship forms. Even though it was time-consuming, it was more effective because I was able to connect more with the sponsors through the phone rather than through the mail.
Within a few months of the event, I had an amazing line-up set up and very generous sponsors. All that was left was finalizing the details and getting more girls to sign up for the event.
Looking back it was a struggle to get sign-ups early on because it was over the summer. I tried to market the event the best I could before the summer, but I had very few sign-ups. As the summer drew to an end I had more and more sign-ups each week.
To be honest, I was getting nervous that I had this amazing event in the making and that the day of I would have very few attendees for my sponsors and speakers. I really thought getting into this endeavor that getting girls signed up wouldn’t be the issue, but rather gaining sponsors and solidifying speakers.
With the help of the athletic director, high school coaches, my speakers, and sponsors we were able to push the word out more in the final weeks of the event. The sign-ups rolled in and we had enough numbers to make this event a success.
I learned right away as I was finalizing the details that I needed help. I was overwhelmed, stressed out, and felt that time was escaping me. With the help of amazing friends and family, I was able to gather everything I needed for this event on time. The day of I had all hands on deck and between myself and two family members was able to set everything up for the event.
My husband’s family and our friends were an amazing help to assist with signing in the attendees, helping answer questions, and refilling the food and drinks to make the event run smoothly. The athletic director was also very helpful since he knew the school building and was able to make sure the AV systems were all in place.
Looking back on the event I realize how grateful I am to be in an area with a supportive and strong community. Taking on this project taught me the importance of asking for help and delegating tasks because we definitely can not do it on our own.
Maybe you have a project or goal in mind that you want to go after. That’s awesome! Go for it, but remember to seek out guidance, support, and help along the way.
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
Practice begins and we are about to start drills. It’s a hot humid summer day in Minnesota and our coach explains what we are going to do for practice. Before the drills begin the coach yells out, “I know it’s hot out but I still want 110%!”
Wait, what does that even mean?
Last I checked 100% is the most you can possibly give. I mean, math is not my strong suit, but I’m pretty sure 110% doesn’t exist.
This is a phrase that I often hear whether it’s in the sports world, during a workout or even in the workplace. I appreciate the point and meaning behind it, but let’s face it, it is unrealistic.
Instead of expecting 100%, or an unrealistic 110% from your team, expect them to give you 100% of what they HAVE that day.
You might think that you are motivating those around you by always saying, “Give 110%,” but you are actually saying, “Make sure you go above and beyond your actual capacity.”
100% is a flawed mindset that does more bad than good. If we think we need to always ‘do more’ than we become fixated on overdoing things, extending ourselves too far, and overstepping onto others.
I understand that as a coach, parent, or even boss you want to get the most out of your players, children, and employees. No one wants a slacker and someone who gives less than they can. However, even expecting 100% from everyone day in and day out isn’t possible.
Life happens!
For example, if one of my athletes recently had a loved one pass away, or has endured an injury, I would not expect the same output that they formerly produced. Do I still expect them to work hard though? Yes, absolutely!
Our energy fuels are similar to that of a gas tank. Some days we have 100%, but some days we may only have around 50%.
Instead of expecting that everyone has a full tank each day, get to know your team and understand how much they have to give. If someone is having a tough time let them know that you understand that they might not have 100% in them, but that you still expect them to give everything that they can, whether that’s 75%, 50%, or even 25%.
Remember to give what you have. Some days you might only have half a tank, some days you might have a full tank. Use as much as you have to give! Setting realistic expectations will go far for yourself and your team.
“Coach thinks I suck,” she states as she kicks some sand around.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“I use to be the top athlete on the team, coach use to always look to me. Now I haven’t gotten better and he thinks I suck compared to everyone else. That’s why he doesn’t put me on varsity,” She lowers her head and kicks some more sand.
I look at her for a moment, considering what she just said. I think back to the practices so far that year. During the drills, there are other athletes who are taking it more seriously to improve their skills. She tends to be off to the side, striking up side conversations and not putting in the same time and effort as the other athletes.
“Coach doesn’t think you suck,” I tell her, “He knows you are capable of performing at a greater level, we all do. Your ability isn’t in question, I think maybe you just need to show everyone that you care to get better.”
“Really?” She asks sounding surprise, “Maybe…”
As a coach, what matters more isn’t the natural ability or skill an athlete has, it’s the effort that they put in and out of practice. I would rather play my less skilled, but more hard-working athlete than a more skilled athlete who doesn’t seem to do the work to improve.
Many athletes may feel that a coach is treating them unfairly when they aren’t given enough playing time or placed on the varsity team when they feel their abilities compare to those who are given that chance. If that is the case for you, maybe it’s more than coaches opinion of your ability. Maybe you do have the same ability that the other athletes do, but what else is going on?
Pay attention to the other components that matter to a team and a coach. How is your attitude at practice? Are you upbeat, positive, and encouraging? Or do you complain and sulk around. Consider the work ethic you put into the drills as well. Do you do them halfway and put in limited work, or are you actually focusing on the drill and putting in everything that you have?
Talent doesn’t trump work ethic.
“Hard-work beats talent, when talent doesn’t work hard.”
If you can show a coach that you care about improving, that will go much farther than simply accepting and being ok with the ability that you currently have. Other players will step up their game and eventually you will lose your spot because their improvements will outshine your stagnant abilities.
As coaches, we should also put greater importance on hard-work and improving our skills rather than focusing on those with “natural talent.” This will instill and foster a growth mindset in your athletes, which will boost their self-confidence and encourage them to work harder at honing in their craft. If you focus on natural talent, that willl only encourage a fixed-mindset, which will decrease their efforts and make them believe that they are unable to improve and grow their skills. Don’t you want a team that works hard, believes that they can improve, and strive for getting better every day rather than settling for what skills they already have?
Demonstrate this in and out of practice by praising hard-work and effort, over outcome and abilities. The athletes that keep trying to improve and put in the work to do so are the ones to focus on because they will help set the tone for the team that we don’t settle where we’re at, we always want to improve and get better.
